When Kids Can’t Sleep: 5 Gentle Ways to Help Them Rest 🌙

The house is finally quiet. You sink into the sofa after a long day, not even having time to press play on your favourite show, when a little voice calls out from the bedroom:“Mum… I can’t sleep.”

Sound familiar?

For many parents, bedtime battles are one of the most common—and exhausting—challenges of family life. You’re already tired yourself, but instead of resting, you’re negotiating: one more story, another glass of water, a missing toy, or tears that just won’t stop.

But are children really just being “difficult”? Often, the truth is more complex.

Kids sleep struggles are often a cry for help

Health experts in New Zealand recommend that children aged 3–12 years get at least 9 hours of sleep each night. Yet, many struggle to fall asleep or wake frequently.

It’s easy to assume kids are simply “too energetic.” In reality, sleep problems are often reflections of emotions or habits. After disruptions like the pandemic, shifting routines, or family changes, children may feel more anxious than we realise—sometimes only showing it at night.

Just as adults lie awake worrying about work or family, kids may toss and turn because they miss grandparents, worry about school, or feel scared of a “monster” they can’t explain.

Routines shape sleep more than we think

In busy households, evenings often become the only family time. Dinner drifts later, baths happen around 8 or 9 pm, and sometimes everyone ends up on the couch watching TV until ten. Kids may look wide awake, but their natural “sleep window” has already closed.

NZ sleep specialists remind us: a consistent routine works far better than last-minute fixes. Just as too much screen time or late meals disturb our own sleep, children’s rhythms are easily shifted off track—especially when they don’t have structured timetables like in ECE centres.

So how can we help our kids?

There’s no magic formula, but here are five gentle strategies to guide children back into calmer nights:

1. Build a predictable bedtime rhythm

It doesn’t need to be 8 pm sharp, but having a steady flow—bath, teeth, story, lights out—signals to the body and mind that it’s time to slow down.

A fun idea: create a bedtime chart with drawings—rubber duck for bath, pyjamas, a book, lights off. Kids love following along.

2. Switch off screens, switch on imagination 🧸

Blue light from tablets and TVs suppresses melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep.

Try replacing screen time with calming activities: block towers, puzzles, drawing, or inventing stories together. Even “just one page” of a favourite book can be a perfect wind-down ritual.

3. Sunlight and movement by day, better sleep by night

Sunshine is nature’s sleep regulator. In a country like New Zealand, morning outdoor play—running, scootering, digging in the sand—helps reset the body clock.

Children who don’t move enough during the day often find it harder to “switch off” at night.

4. Take bedtime worries seriously

When kids say “I’m hungry” or “I’m scared of the dark,” they might really mean it.

It doesn’t mean midnight snacks every night, but gentle responses help: “You feel hungry? Let’s sip some warm water and I’ll rub your back.”

Room temperature, lighting, and air quality also matter. White-noise machines, soft night-lights, or even a “Mum-scented pillow” can help children feel secure.

5. Teach kids to befriend their thoughts

For older children, try the “ice cream breathing” game:Take a deep breath in, naming a favourite ice cream flavour. Slowly exhale, and say another one. Strawberry… chocolate… mint.

It’s a playful way to practise calming breaths, easing busy thoughts into rest.

Independent sleep—with love and trust

Many families see their child wander into the parents’ bed at night. It’s normal.

But if you want your child to sleep independently, set boundaries gently but firmly: after cuddles and kisses, everyone returns to their own bed. If they wake at night, remind them: “Mum’s love is tucked in your pillow.”

Sleep should never feel like a battle. It’s a journey of trust, comfort, and gradual adjustment. With consistency, patience, and empathy, children will eventually find their own rhythm toward peaceful nights.

📷 Images courtesy of Unsplash